Go ahead, call me an Israelite already!

God is really ushering down much conviction in so many areas of my heart right now on the topic of contentment. Am i content in my tiny apt- like 900+ sq ft all day long, staying home with an almost 3 yr old going on 15 and a 7 month old entering the attachment phase of babyhood, and the path God has placed me on for such a time as this?. Truly, I haven't been content in quite a while. I find myself analyzing my life and wanting bigger and better and more. I want to be with people and have intellectually stimulating conversations about God and life. I want to be active in ministering to people without having to hold a squirmy baby and wrangle a 2 year old. I don't always want to play music or puzzles, eat popsicles, deal w/ time out, change one more diaper, or wake up to feed a hungry baby in the middle of the night. I'm a selfish person covered by the blood of Jesus who looks outside and wants something more. But, I'm blessed- beyond measure. I am and I know it. Yet, I forget. I'm so like those blasted Israelites. I forget over and over again. Then, I remember momentarily...just long enough to focus. Maybe I'm 'wandering' like them right now in life. Always looking instead of being content. It should have been a few days journey that snowballed into 40 years until the Israelites entered the Promised Land. May that not be, please!

I know God has called me to serve and love people. My ministry is different right now- very different- from what I originally 'surrendered' to. I know He is continuing to perfect His call in me. At the current rate, I could be quite the old woman by the time I 'get it'. Just kidding. Life is just hard staying home w/ 2 little people. It's a stage--but a REALLY REALLY LONG HARD LONG HARD REALLY LONG STAGE. Just sayin'. ;) Yet, I have learned so much about humility, patience, service, hesed love, and selfLESSness. God has opened my eyes and my heart up to more of who He is and who I am IN Him during this 'wandering'. Owen and I always describe our life right now as a spiral staircase, of sorts. We are ever moving, learning, growing. Sometimes, we have to revisit lessons we've learned (or haven't quite learned), but we continue to progress. Am I content, by personality, when progression is meger some days? Totally NOT! However, God's Word is living and powerful and gives me hope and strength to press on.

"For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end- it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay." Habakkuk 2:3

"The One who calls you is faithful and He will do it." 1 Thess. 5:24

"No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame..." Ps 25:3

"Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might." Ecc. 9:10

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Gal 6:9

"For he will be like a tree planted by the water, that extends its roots by a stream and will not fear when the heat comes; But its leaves will be green, and it will not be anxious in a year of drought nor cease to yield fruit." Jeremiah 17:8

May God bless the proclamation of His Word!